feeling stuck on how to uninvite wedding guests from your wedding celebration?
Due to current wedding regulations, many brides and grooms are currently experiencing mixed feelings of excitement about moving forward with their intimate weddings and feeling torn and uncertain about how to break the news to some of their guests that can no longer attend because of socially-distanced wedding guest limitations.
If you and your fiancé have decided to move forward with your intimate wedding with COVID-19 regulations still in place, you might have to begin informing friends and family that they are no longer invited. So, how can you politely uninvite guests without hurting anyone’s feelings?
Below is some advice to help the process of informing previously-invited guests that there have been some very important changes to your wedding:
NARROWING DOWN YOUR GUEST LIST
First things first, take the time to do some research and learn about your state’s current wedding regulations (varies by state) and get up-to-date about how many guests can attend your intimate wedding. Once you have a minimum number, re-evaluate your original guest list and select that many people to be on what is now your “A-list”. It’s never easy to narrow down your guest list, but we suggest dividing your original guest list into 3 lists:
“A-list”
Your A-list includes names of your friends and family that you deem essential to being present on your wedding day (i.e. parents, siblings, close family and friends). The maximum number of guests on this list should match the maximum number of guests allowed by your state and by your venue.
“B-list”
This is your “just in case regulations lift a little more before our wedding and we can invite more people!” list. Your B-list includes names of friends and relatives who might live nearby where you wedding is taking place, and therefore won’t need as much notice to come and celebrate with you if notified last-minute that some available wedding guest spots have opened up.
“C-list”
Making your C-list is easy! If you still have your original wedding guest list for your ideal wedding, your work is already done (thanks, past-self!). If you have not yet made your ideal wedding guest list, we recommend waiting to see how things unfold before taking the time to make one. However, you always have the option of making it if you choose to do so:) This list will be what you reference for when all socially-distanced wedding regulations lift.
INFORMING YOUR GUESTS OF RECENT CHANGES
Once you’ve made your decision, it’s time to notify the guests on your B-list and C-list that there have been some recent changes. Although we live in a modern day and age where quick texts and emails can be sent out without any additional thought, ensure that you take a personal approach to notifying your guests that you can no longer have them physically present at your wedding. While your guests will probably understand being “let go” due to everything currently happening (ahem, COVID-19), do you best to notify them in a personal and intentional way. Sending a “Change of Plans” notice to them with a handwritten note goes a long way to make sure that they know you wish they were there with you on your big day!
The note you send should be clear and concise. However, if you want to provide your former guests with a more detailed explanation, you can always include a “read more” link on the physical note, which leads them to your wedding website. Although providing an explanation on your wedding website is a great option, it should not take the place of sending a formal announcement. Your guests most likely will not check your website on their own, so sending a physical notification is key.
Again, we know this is so hard for you to have to do. If you’re planning to still have your wedding and do need to go the route of notifying former guests about the change of plans, getting the wording right in letting them know is essential. Feel free to touch upon how these circumstances are out of your hands and that you wish they were able to be physically present with you. If you need help with how to even begin wording a letter to your former guests, we’ve formulated a template for you below:
Disinvitation Template
[GUEST NAMES],
In light of the current circumstances, it is with a lot of consideration that we’ve decided to narrow down our guest list to a more intimate number. While we would love to have a giant celebration with everyone, we want to keep everyone healthy and safe. Please accept our sincerest apologies for not being able to have you with us on our wedding day. We greatly appreciate your love and support, and cannot wait to celebrate with you in style at a later date!
With love,
[NAMES]
Lastly, we know that you’re feeling pretty worried about what friends and family will think or say when you let them know they can no longer attend your wedding. If a disinvited guest is disrespectful by taking your notice personally and making this already stressful period even more stressful, it is best to respond respectfully and let them know that if things were in your control you would include them (but also…don’t let their response get to you because responding like that goes to show that they’re not putting your best interests first). Just remember that those who truly love you will understand completely, and will appreciate you letting them know and recognize that it is coming from a caring place in your heart.
